Girl With a Past Wants to Hide From It

Cherie Bennett
Thu, 02 Dec 2010 00:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Hey, Cherie!

I am an avid reader of your column. Back in the spring, you wrote a column about a guy who figured out that his girlfriend was not telling him a bunch of stuff, like about a relationship that she'd had before the couple had met — a relationship that had gone pretty far if you know what I'm saying. The fact that she wasn't talking made the guy really nervous, and he didn't know whether to push for the truth or not.

Cherie, my situation is the opposite. I am 17 and have a past that includes all kinds of things like drinking, drugs and sex, but I really do not want to make all that public. It is not who I am now; it happened when I was age 13 and 14, which I am not proud to say, but I have been a different person for a few years now.
Updated: Wed Dec 01, 2010

Hey, Cherie!

I am an avid reader of your column. Back in the spring, you wrote a column about a guy who figured out that his girlfriend was not telling him a bunch of stuff, like about a relationship that she'd had before the couple had met — a relationship that had gone pretty far if you know what I'm saying. The fact that she wasn't talking made the guy really nervous, and he didn't know whether to push for the truth or not.

Cherie, my situation is the opposite. I am 17 and have a past that includes all kinds of things like drinking, drugs and sex, but I really do not want to make all that public. It is not who I am now; it happened when I was age 13 and 14, which I am not proud to say, but I have been a different person for a few years now.

It has not been hard to hide my past until now. When I was doing the worst of it, my parents moved us from Florida to Colorado — partly to get me away from my bad friends and so we could live in the mountains. I was against the move at first, but now I think it's the best thing that they could have done for me.

The problem is, someone from my past found me on Facebook. This person hated me, really hated me. She is now threatening to come to my town and start blabbing the truth about me. I take her seriously because her parents have no control of her.

Is there anything I can do to stop her? I really don't want my current friends to hear about what I was like back then.

— Changed Girl

Hey, Changed!

I feel for you. I really do. And you know, maybe all this would have been easier 20 or 30 years ago, before anyone ever heard of Facebook, MySpace or one of those websites that seems to have information on how to contact just about anyone.

If I were a lawyer, I could talk about the laws of libel and slander and not disclosing private facts that might be embarrassing. But the fact is if the girl shows up, you're not going to be able to stop her. And once the truth is out, it's going to float around like feathers.

I am going to suggest something kind of radical. Beat her to the punch. You be the one to discuss the truth at a place of your own choosing, in a way that you want to. Maybe it will be at a sleepover with some of your closest friends. Maybe you'll just tell your closest new friend. Maybe, it will be at a church youth group meeting.

The how and where is up to you. But I think you'll learn a couple of things in the process. First, you will learn that other kids have secrets, too, and you'll be hearing some of them in response to yours. Second, you will learn that your true friends will still be your true friends. And what could be better than that?

Hey, Cherie!

Do you take any vitamins or supplements? I have a science teacher who is all about supplements and constantly tells us what she takes to stay healthy. She never gets sick, either, but it kind of makes us all sick to hear her go on and on and on.

— Vitamin Enough

Hey, Vitamin!

I take a simple multiple vitamin and mineral supplement, and that's it for basic health maintenance. Before you power your body with supplements, talk to someone who actually knows your body. Like, say, your own doctor.