Lose the Scrooge

Jessica Burtch
Wed, 02 Oct 2013 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

I just have no idea what to do with this one. I've been dating this guy for a few months. He's smart, attentive and successful and even kind of funny. But he's cheap. And it's not because he's nursing a business or a dream or has a sick family member he's giving all of his money to. That I would understand. I also have a lot of respect for intelligent, big-picture frugality. It's the quibbling and constant remarks about the price of everything that turn me off.

This guy can't buy me a drink without commenting on how expensive they are — even though he knows I know what they cost, because I pick up my share of the tabs. He wants to stay home and watch TV because "movie tickets cost too much." He cooks dinner a lot — and not as a romantic gesture, but because "it's cheaper than going out." He actually says that! All of this leads to a lot of staying in and hanging out.

When I get fed up and call him on his behavior, he changes his tune and suggests we go out for a nice night on the town. As the date approaches, I'll ask him what he has in mind, and he invariably says something like, "Well, I hope I didn't get your expectations too high. I didn't rent a private jet for the night or anything." Believe me, my expectations weren't that high. I was pretty much wondering whether he'd bothered with dinner reservations. And, of course, he hadn't. Am I being petty or materialistic here, or should I move on? — Sleeping with the Miserly
Updated: Thu Nov 19, 2015

I just have no idea what to do with this one. I've been dating this guy for a few months. He's smart, attentive and successful and even kind of funny. But he's cheap. And it's not because he's nursing a business or a dream or has a sick family member he's giving all of his money to. That I would understand. I also have a lot of respect for intelligent, big-picture frugality. It's the quibbling and constant remarks about the price of everything that turn me off.

This guy can't buy me a drink without commenting on how expensive they are — even though he knows I know what they cost, because I pick up my share of the tabs. He wants to stay home and watch TV because "movie tickets cost too much." He cooks dinner a lot — and not as a romantic gesture, but because "it's cheaper than going out." He actually says that! All of this leads to a lot of staying in and hanging out.

When I get fed up and call him on his behavior, he changes his tune and suggests we go out for a nice night on the town. As the date approaches, I'll ask him what he has in mind, and he invariably says something like, "Well, I hope I didn't get your expectations too high. I didn't rent a private jet for the night or anything." Believe me, my expectations weren't that high. I was pretty much wondering whether he'd bothered with dinner reservations. And, of course, he hadn't. Am I being petty or materialistic here, or should I move on? — Sleeping with the Miserly

Here's what you do with this one, Mis: kiss on the cheek, wave goodbye, c'est la vie, move on.

Did I say move on? I meant: Move! On!

You're not being petty. You're being unhappy. Assuming unhappiness is not what you want for yourself, it's time to bid adieu to Scrooge. This guy is funny about money, and that is so not fun to be around.

But your beef is as much about his boringness as it is about his stinginess. While it is perfectly reasonable to be put off by both, it also speaks to a core incompatibility. Apparently, you do not get all head-to-toe tingly when Scrooge parks it in front of the tube to gripe about the rip-off that is cable and grumble sweet monetary observations in your ear.

But even beyond the complaining, the dynamic I find most disturbing is Scrooge's ducking behind sardonic hyperbole when confronted with your perfectly reasonable expectation that he follow through on the nice evening he offered. He couldn't get his act together, and instead of copping to that, he tries to make you feel ridiculous for holding him to the most basic of standards: Do what you say you're going to do.

Uh-uh.

Scrooge is free to do as much nothing with his money as he pleases — but he is not free to falsely assign grandiose demands on your part. Money is not the problem. This guy's attitude is the problem. He's cranky, cynical and, frankly, lazy. He opens the doors to his own private Dullsville, and you keep walking through. If only you could see the befuddled look on my face right now.

Why is Scrooge the way he is? Beats me. Maybe he's been burned. Maybe his self-esteem is in the gutter. Maybe he can't fathom what you could possibly see in him beyond his ability to reluctantly buy you dinner. I know I can't.

Follow Jessica on Twitter @sicaleigh, and ask her just about anything at askquestionable@gmail.com. To find out more about Jessica Leigh and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers, visit creators.com.